Dollars and sense

So yesterday my phone rang while I was at work. I looked down  and tried to remember the number it seemed familiar but no name came up.

It was the collection agency. Fuck. I heard the whiny voice of the girl on the other end. Why must you keep calling? I silently asked in my head. You called me twice last month. Ugh.

She rambled on giving me my balance and the usual we are offered to give you a discount to close out your account. This debt is more than ten yrs old and I have been paying into for four years. I don’t make alot of money and this payment was sometimes very hard to  make, would I be able to eat for the next two weeks? But I made a plan and stuck to it, giving extra when I could, but I certainly wasn’t going to ask my parents as they suggested multiple times.

My battle began the moment I came home. I had to open a bank account and my old bank was the only way seeing I had no real Id yet. The minute I did open it, I imagine alarms went off at the collection agency. Because when I made my first deposit it was gone. Just like that. I think they took more than 75% of it.

I got on the phone and yelled at some people boy was I mad, was even more so when they told me the amount. We argued back and forth about my payment. They wanting my arm, my leg and next child . I felt trapped and angry. 10 years,  I screamed, at my dad in tears. Banks apparently have longer memories than elephants. This is not how it was supposed to be.

I made the arrangements and begrudgingly paid every month. They don’t give a crap whether you can eat, pay your rent, or buy your medication. They just want their most and will use everything in the book to get it.

I hated them. I avoided their call a once I figured out the numbers. They harassed me daily for awhile. Like 6 calls everyday for over two weeks. Wtf.

You know I remember the payment that causes this whole mess. I was living with my dad and brother and son at the time. Rent was due, and maybe it was after my brother moved in with his gf. But we didn’t have all the cash. I had had the credit card for a little bit and been using it well paying off my statements every month. I hemmed and hawed over it for awhile but when I looked at my sons little blue eyes I knew I had no choice. I paid the rent with the credit card. We needed a place to live.

After that it was always catch up only I couldn’t. I would later find myself with no job, no home, no child. I was on a mission to save my life and that damn payment didn’t seem too important anymore.

Jump ahead 10 years. It was killing me to do this but the adult in me, knew I had to clean up this mess. 4 years later and the ladies voice echoing through my brain, I have to check my balance I said begrudgingly. I looked, it was almost all I had. Sure I was getting paid that day but it was a significantly lighter check. Still on the line I okayed the payment.

I was done. A moment after hanging up with annoying woman, I knelt down and cried. Out of nowhere. I felt a ton weight come off my shoulders. I hardly knew it was there because it felt I had been carrying it forever. But the moment it disappeared, I noticed the change. How light I felt. To be honest I didn’t think this day would ever come.

My debt wasn’t huge by any means. But for me and my current financial status it definitely made this difficult at times.

In my adult life I have made some really hard choices, come through a great deal. But in this moment, I couldn’t have been prouder of this accomplishment.

Looking forward, I know I need to get my act together and really look at my finances and make a plan. I don’t ever again want to be in the places I have been. I will try to prepare better now. The canvas is now clean. And anything seems possible at this moment. I feel relieved. I feel free. 😃